For me (also as a not-so-attractive male, IMO), it’s not the yearning for getting laid so much as the being in a loving relationship (masturbating is enough to calm my sex drive down). Thankfully, I’ve been in a very long-term relationship (~10 years). I remember it was literally driving me crazy being so emotionally isolated. I think a lot of people, woman and men, regardless of their sexual activity, have the same problems of isolation.
Well, for me it really is the overwhelming desire of being found physically attractive by someone. Anyone. So relationships or one night stands, doesn’t really matter.
It’s literally an insane thought to me that even average looking girls don’t have a hard time attracting members of the opposite sex. But for me, any time I approached a girl, I got hit hard by rejection and humiliation. And now that I’m older, most women are married or in long-term relationships anyway, so things have become even more impossible.
It’s become so ridiculous that the mere thought of being found desirable in and of itself is a sexual turn on for me - so I find myself imagining to be the woman when watching porn, even though I’m not attracted to men at all.
Very very few people in this world feel truly attractive, women included. Body image and self-esteem are almost universal problems. This is not your fault.
I suspect this is an issue of perspective. You desire women, so you believe you must be a woman to be desirable. And you desire them for their beauty, so you believe you must be beautiful. This is perspective, not objective truth. Neither has to be true of you. Only if you decide its the only option do you leave yourself with no option at all. At that point, you’ve decided failure for yourself.
If what you want is to feel desirable and you teuly are ‘ugly’ (whatever that means to you), your odds are better if you’re attracted to women. In relationships, women more commonly value non-visible traits like communication, resilience, consideration, humour, and skill. Attraction is more holistic. I’ve known of at least two men getting married with almost no face at all (one taken off by a grizzly bear, the other obscured by large benign growths). Both had kids, too. In a healthy relationship, holistic desire grows.
You are thirsty in the desert, and that’s awful. You fantasise about drowning in the lake because it looks like a solution to your problem, just as those drowning desperately wish they could stand on the solid cracked earth.
Hmm, don’t have any experience with those exact feelings myself, but I suppose they’re valid. There isn’t some kind of “peak” physical attractiveness, at least in my mind. There’s tons of people all with tons of preferences. Like, I find most women attractive, regardless, or for, their unconventionally attractive attributes. I imagine many women are the same way.
For me (also as a not-so-attractive male, IMO), it’s not the yearning for getting laid so much as the being in a loving relationship (masturbating is enough to calm my sex drive down). Thankfully, I’ve been in a very long-term relationship (~10 years). I remember it was literally driving me crazy being so emotionally isolated. I think a lot of people, woman and men, regardless of their sexual activity, have the same problems of isolation.
Well, for me it really is the overwhelming desire of being found physically attractive by someone. Anyone. So relationships or one night stands, doesn’t really matter.
It’s literally an insane thought to me that even average looking girls don’t have a hard time attracting members of the opposite sex. But for me, any time I approached a girl, I got hit hard by rejection and humiliation. And now that I’m older, most women are married or in long-term relationships anyway, so things have become even more impossible. It’s become so ridiculous that the mere thought of being found desirable in and of itself is a sexual turn on for me - so I find myself imagining to be the woman when watching porn, even though I’m not attracted to men at all.
Very very few people in this world feel truly attractive, women included. Body image and self-esteem are almost universal problems. This is not your fault.
I suspect this is an issue of perspective. You desire women, so you believe you must be a woman to be desirable. And you desire them for their beauty, so you believe you must be beautiful. This is perspective, not objective truth. Neither has to be true of you. Only if you decide its the only option do you leave yourself with no option at all. At that point, you’ve decided failure for yourself.
If what you want is to feel desirable and you teuly are ‘ugly’ (whatever that means to you), your odds are better if you’re attracted to women. In relationships, women more commonly value non-visible traits like communication, resilience, consideration, humour, and skill. Attraction is more holistic. I’ve known of at least two men getting married with almost no face at all (one taken off by a grizzly bear, the other obscured by large benign growths). Both had kids, too. In a healthy relationship, holistic desire grows.
You are thirsty in the desert, and that’s awful. You fantasise about drowning in the lake because it looks like a solution to your problem, just as those drowning desperately wish they could stand on the solid cracked earth.
I think this is really really perceptive. Thank you for taking the time to write it all.
Hmm, don’t have any experience with those exact feelings myself, but I suppose they’re valid. There isn’t some kind of “peak” physical attractiveness, at least in my mind. There’s tons of people all with tons of preferences. Like, I find most women attractive, regardless, or for, their unconventionally attractive attributes. I imagine many women are the same way.
If you want to imagine fucking women as a woman, watch gay porn.