I’m at I think 1.5” length. I am very goblin mode and have just been letting everything grow out as much as possible.
Sensory issues compel me to wash my beard with soap every time I enter the shower - this is currently the 3-in-1 old spice, which I imagine strips oil. I have taken to drowning my face in old Amish oil, which seems to be an effective counter.
I work in a profession which will tolerate and appreciate things like beading, which I feel would be more feasible in an inch or so? Any tips on the hobby would be appreciated.
Really the question is - I want to have an extremely lengthy and healthy beard. What do I do to not look like a gross neckbeard, to convey less “this is long because I’m too lazy to do anything about it” but more “I love this thing and will actually maintain a routine for it.” I would like to at some point be a mall Santa. I want to lock in. Pretend you are my dad for a minute.
OK, story time:
Our town twinning committee (Where a good friend is president and my wife is member of the management team) did this St Nick thing for ages. Two years ago, the original St Nick retired, and the quest was on to find a new one. The committees’ president even asked her husband if he would glue on a beard - and the reply was rather negative ;-)
I was blessfully unaware of those struggles, until one fateful day, when our families met about something completely unrelated, Monica exclaimed: “YOU have a beard!”. Well, I had one for decades by then, yes, thank you that you noticed…
And thus I was volunteered. It is a rather interesting job, actually. I don’t get paid, I get reimbursed the money for the fuel of my car, and the ferry and hotel is sponsored, but those are always quite tough days. On top of that comes loads of preparations like asking for donations, collecting those donations, buying sweets for the kids, packing up everything (I’ve got a big car, but it’s stuffed to the brim every time!), and the occasional “meet the press”.
I’m usually visiting elementary schools and kindergardens, spooling off a two-pronged spiel: The start is always “Who do you think I represent?” (I’m not St Nick, I act him, thus avoiding issues like “Santa Claus is/is not real”). I tell them about St Nick, that he was a real person, where and when he lived, what he did and what made him special, and his relation to Christmas and the gift-giving tradition. The second part is telling the kids that we are from another country, which they might have noticed from my foreign accent and the German carol my “Angels” and I sang when we came in. According to the kids, I’ve come from about everywhere in the world. I then tell them about town twinning, that it is a kind of friendship between cities, and that people knowing each other and who become friends is good for a peaceful world.
Last year I had two special visits: A christmas party from an organisation for (mostly mentally) disabled people. And wow, they had fun! And a visit to a childrens hospice, which was not easy, dealing with kids who will probably be dead when I visit next time…
One of the funniest moments was on my first trip. I was through with my spiel and asked if they had any questions. One little girl piped up: “Is that beard real?” I happily exclaimed “This is the question I was waiting for from the very beginning!”. I went to her, bent down, and told her to give it a try and pull. You should have seen that face. And she accepted that it is real without pulling ;-)