American here…I’m good with being south Canada, as long as we have whomever your government is. And healthcare, and whatever.

Otherwise… Try craigslist?

Yes. PLEASE hire your bodyguards through craigslist. I’m not even a CEO killer, but I feel we could ALL use the laughs from how hilariously trashy that would turn out.

…why is the modern age full of new words that didn’t exist 20 years ago? I’m afraid to ask what it is…

“I promise cupcakes for everybody!”

“Thats terribly bold of you sir…what about the diabetic?”

“Don’t worry Johnson. It’s just an empty promise! I’ll be the only one to get cupcakes! Mwa ha ha ha ha!!!”

People don’t even read the

Kind of strange of you to end your post on the word “the”. Usually there’s more words after “the”.

If there’s any young people reading this, I want you to take notice of what just happened here. Perception becomes reality…except it’s not reality.

People thought this guy was just SO popular, that he was too busy for them. Which means in reality, he wasn’t popular AT ALL. Nobody wanted to be his friend, because everybody assumed he was too important to be their friend. The only people who were his friends are the ones who tried.

This works with dating too. There’s women of all ranges of looks. Some women are just born so naturally beautiful that they become intimidated to even TRY to talk to her. Everybody thinks she’s out of their league, and that’s total bullshit. If a person think they’re out of your league because of looks, they’re right. They’re totally below you. BUT there’s also people who OTHER people assume she’s out of their league, and all she’s doing is waiting to be asked out. Nobodys asking her out, because everybody thinks she’s going to turn them down, and what ends up happening is you can get some real Homer and Marge situations.

Because let’s be real. Marge could do SO MUCH better than Homer. I realize that because of the way animation works, they’ve had to retell the way Homer and Marge met and retcon the previous versions. But no matter which version you pick, Homer as always been an overweight buffoon with no real qualities to endeeer himself to Marge. But he TRIED. Sometimes that’s enough. You just go up to whomever you have a crush on, and just, go for it.

And maybe they will turn you down. I’m not implying that every time you flirt with someone it will go well just because you tried. There’s a whole list of variables to take into account that you can’t possibly know before you try. The end result will be maybe she’s just not that into you. Or maybe she is. You don’t know until you try. I know so many people who “got the girl”, whom everyone is baffled by, simply because they were the only one who asked.

So just come up with a funny little pickup line. Something cheesy. Cheesy is good. The pickup line isn’t what’s going to win her over. You’re what’s going to win her over. The pickup line just measures her level of interest. If she’s giggling at your little pickup line, it’s not because the cheesy pickup line was that good. It’s because YOU are that good to her. The pickup line is just a measuring stick of her interest. So don’t worry about the perfect pickup line. Just a funny cheesy one. Preferably one she’s never heard before.

One thing I will say, is that it has to be “girl funny”. To me, the funniest pickup line ever is telling her in a totally straight deadpan voice, “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in…”

To me, that’s hilarious. That SHOULD be a great pickup line. It’s not. Don’t use that one. You’ll get gross looks, as if you actually are holding back from shitting yourself. So maybe don’t include feces in your pickup lines.

I just want WindowsXP without security risks. If Linux could make a WindowsXP clone, that works with exe files, and works exactly like WindowsXP, except handles modern standards, I would jizz all over the place.

Yeah. I’m leaving it in as motivation for linux developers. If they don’t want to hear about my jizz spraying like a firehose, they should made LindowsXP.

SEE??? I EVEN GAVE YOU A GREAT BRAND NAME!

Their arguments tend to come down to “just don’t write bad code”.

Oooooh, that’s a good stratagy! Write that down! Write that down!

Elitism. He is of the belief that he is better than you, and doesn’t live in the same world as you.

Fuck if I know! We fuckin curse all fuckin day at my fuckin job! Everybody fuckin hears us curse up a fuckin storm every fuckin day! Nobody fuckin gives a flying fuck!

You need a fuckin job? I could fucking get you in. If you’re fucking gal, you’ll be a fuckin Disney princess. If you’re fucking guy, you’ll probably be a storm trooper.

Then you’ll sing all day “Do you fucking want to build a god damn snowman?”

And kids will be little cunts. They’ll say “That’s not how the song gooooeeeesssss” and you’ll tell them “Hey! Fuckstain! Who’s fuckin singing da song right now? Me or you? Me or you? Yeah, that’s right. Fuck off!”

And the parents all clap because they want so badly to talk to their kids that way. They regret taking the creampie instead of swallowing.

I’m just waking up. My brain isn’t fully on yet. I read that as

I’ve finally actually snorted cocaine out of my parents assholes

I was ready yo conclude you’re from Alabama, but was confused by how someone from Alabama could afford cocaine.

attempts to read comment

…nope, sorry. There are pizza rolls in the oven and life is too short to try to force myself to read all that.

Upvote for the video. Reading the headline made me think there was some level of questionable concept for IF it was a nazi salute.

Watching the video you provided erased all doubt. The headline went soft. It should have been:

Steve Bannon makes nazi salute gesture at conservative conference because he, and the Trump party are full on going nazi.

See how MY version leaves no room for second guessing? That’s what they should have wrote.

The cubs even won the world series. Which is how you KNOW we’re in the bad timeline!

Fuck Chicago!

We also have taken the concept of reality television, and changed the concept. Now we just watch reality on our television. We like to watch moments go viral, and then…we watch that person crash and burn and ruin their entire lives. Then we have a sensible chuckle, and change the channel.

A year ago P Diddy got arrested for doing some really rapey things at parties over the past 20 years. Then they found 10,000 bottles of lube in his batcave. Ok, it was his basement, but I always imagine the batcave, with walls that turn around to reveal a limitless supply of lube. C’mon, you know that vision of it is better than just a door, a flight of stairs, and lube on some shelfs. So now he’s in jail, and we all had a sensible chuckle because he deserves the jail time. Then we change the channel.

Recently, you just missed this one girl, who the internet dubbed the Huck Twah girl. She got famous for making a reference to sucking dick. Then she got taken advantage of, and now she’s in jail. Sensible chuckle, because she didn’t deserve what happened, but now we’re onto the next person to destroy their lives!

Who’s next?

Not selfish at all.

I’ve cut so many people from my life. I have a rule. If you exist in my life, and all you do is make me angry, there better be a REASON you’re making me angry. Like when I was TRYING to get my dad to accept help from the government a few years back. His roof is failing. It’s only getting worse. Our city has a roof replacement program for seniors. Totally free roof. His house is rotting. When it rains outside, it rains inside.

So yeah, I fought him for 2 years trying to get him to take the roof.

Yeah I made him angry, but it’s because I care about him. And the fight is about getting him to take care of himself.

Unlike my sister, who will call, just to argue, and fight, with no real reason. I don’t answer her calls.

And when I’ve had “friends” that only care about you when they need something, fuck off. I’m a generous person, who people think they can take advantage of. And I guess they can to a certain extent. I don’t mind helping those in need. But there comes a point when you realize “I only see this guy every few months, and only when he has some sob story, and needs something”.

THATS when I stop talking to friends. OR when I realize that I’m ALWAYS the one who has to innitiate contact. Like if I just stayed silent, the friendship would just be over. Ok then. Guess you never think about me if I’m not already in your presense. I don’t need those people in my life.

Have you ever explained things to him about his daughters viewpoints? Just tell him “Ya know, (his name), I’ve been thinking. People with (his hair color) shouldn’t have the right to exist. People with (his hair color) are just no good, rotten nasty people! They don’t have the right to live on MY planet, breathing MY air! Right? Don’t you agree?”

And make it as absurd as actual racism/homophobia is. Make it clear that you hate him for things he was born with, and he now has to pay for being a dirty (color) hair’d person! Don’t be shy. Be as hateful as you’ve seen people like that be.

Then ask him how he feels about you. Get him yelling at you. Get him insulting you. Ruffle his feathers. Smile at every insult he hurls.

And then tell him "What I have just shown to you is a mirror. I have acted as you have acted to your daughter. These are the messages she hears you saying to her. It was hard to hear wasn’t it? You didn’t want to hear a single further thing out of my mouth. THAT is the same experience that your daughter has when you spew those same messages at her.

YOU are an individual. YOU have the ability to change your views. All I can do is hold up the mirror to show you what version of you you’re projecting into the world. Your daughter is an individual, and she has the right to live her life any way she wants. With or without you. If you care, it’s up to you to be the version of yourself that she wants in her life. Not the version you try to force into her life."

After that, there’s literally nothing more you can do. Slap him with reality, and if he continues to be shitty to his family, he can die alone.

Don’t forget getting stabbed by elmo!

The first shot was to the back of his head. He fell to the ground immediately. Then, in struggling to pull himself to his feet he locked eyes with Luigi, holding a gun, and saw him shoot 2 more times. That was the last thing Brian Thompson saw.

Pretty sure he knows how he died.

Oh, heres the thing. Even if you WERE to convince Trump that his own direct decisions is what led to the deaths of hundreds of people? He would just shrug and not care.