This is definitely something to find out more about. My current level of understanding of their mechanism is “they dull all emotions, you don’t feel anything too strongly but that’s good because you also don’t feel too depressed”. That seems to be quite wrong.

Btw would you consider crossposting to [email protected] too? You might get more varied opinions and get people to think. (Disclosure: it’s “my” community.)

At this point I would not, but only because I want to engage with all replies actively and the amount of replies I got here was already a positive surprise but also a number that is only just about manageable for me.

What makes you feel that your current state is what you “really feel”? Who decides that?

That may be the most crucial question my therapist should ask me. The answer that’s top of mind is “this is all I ever was since I can remember, so it has to be real even if it’s bad”. I can tell how shaky the logic is but it’s convincing to me.

Thanks, you provided me with some great questions and I’ll discuss those with my therapist.

Good tip, thanks! I did read somewhere that scheduling dose increases and decreases is extremely important with this class of medication, so I’ll definitely only do it with a doctor who can observe me closely.

I hope you are able to access proper care soon.

I was an eager user of recreational drugs, and I never saw any of my drug experiences as “not real”.

I definitely think that some of my hesitations have to do with not having any experience of using chemicals that affect the mood before, so I don’t have a mental model that I can re-use for antidepressants. I definitely drink caffeine though, so it’s probably valid to say that I have constructed a fiction of me never having done anything like this, but it’s a convincing fiction.

Thanks for sharing this @[email protected].

It may be worth talking to your therapist about the fact that you may have internalized these feelings as being a core part of your identity, something that you’re afraid to lose. I promise there’s more to the things that make you who you are.

Yeah, I think you are hitting an important point and he also tried to poke at it when I told him how I feel about the suggestion.

One aspect of it is definitely that I’ve been depressed since I had a personality. At some level, I think I believed that this could never change (and that’s why I was so amazed when some of the CBT exercises started having the exact effects the theory said they would). Thinking of a potential me without all of the maladaptive patterns I developed since I was a kid is about as stressful to me as meeting a stranger.

Part of it is also that I don’t understand the chemical mechanism behind the various antidepressants though, so I’ll definitely need to talk with medical doctors about it.

Good tips, thanks! I’ll really have to be careful with understanding everything said for sure, since it will even be happening in my third language.

What I’d suggest is that you keep the suggestion in reserve until such time as the depression is kicking your ass again and then consider trying it. Its worthwhile to discuss the issue in advance with your MD and review the various options as some are more activating than others and some are more likely to produce side effects than the others.

Thanks, I think this is the path I will take for now. I’ll talk with my GP about it today and start the process to find out my options first. It might not even be something she’s allowed to prescribe anyway, so I’ll need to visit a neurologist or a psychiatrist for more consultation.