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I don’t think control features help much when one of the most basic question that you can ask is “What is your gender and who would you like to date?”. As I have already outlined in another comment in this thread, this information has to be shared with the federated network and is already enough to get people into serious trouble should it get into the wrong hands.
Alternatively think about it this way. Would you hand over this kind of information to a total stranger? Would you take on the responsibility of handling data that could literally kill someone if you make a mistake?
You can’t offload these kind of decision to the user. Just think about how effective the various fishing and social engineering attacks are. No, a fediverse dating app would have to be secure by default. The only possibility I see for this is something that involves homomorphic encryption, an encryption method that allows you to operate on data without having to decrypt it first, but I know nothing about that topic so I could be completely wrong. This vague idea of a solution might be technically impossible after all.