Oh, wow, you’ve been through some really heavy stuff, I’m sorry…

Also, from personal experience, the grief never really stops, nor does the anxiety. I honestly don’t think there’s a definitive fix for these aspects at all, it’s just them growing duller and sparser in their effects combined with us becoming more adept at stemming the tide and handling damage control. I’m decades past my trauma points, and decades since I’ve done my best to process them, and I still get a flash from time to time.

Heck, even that wall of sadness you encounter when doing psychedelics sounds like a clear sign things are still clinging on to you. Would be totally understandable and justified, as my two cents. It sucks, and I’m sorry…

This and what you’ve described above sounds a lot like hyperalertness/hypervigilance mixed with moderate anxiety, tbh. Sounds like you go into fight-or-flight, with a tendency for “fight.”

What you said about feeling energetic but not in a good way struck me, as that’s how I’d describe moments of stress or danger, when I get sharpened by adrenaline, but my mindset’s purely defensive.

This is pure speculation on my part, but you may be going through anxiety attacks.

Didn’t even go that far, honestly, I was just referring to the… force of their fantasizing:))

In all seriousness, does the urge really get THIS bad?

Oh, that’s so considerate of you! It really would be nice if these places managed to solidify into something as stable as possible, I think they’re thoroughly needed. Also an example of how the internet is supposed to be used!

I can imagine modding for a mental health community can’t be easy, can’t say I blame any potential reticence and churn…

Eh. Makes sense from the perspective of protecting profits, I guess, because the actual thing which bothers them is the volume of lost potential customers…

So, piracy is legal if you don’t distribute? What the fuck is Zuck smoking?

Thank you so much! 🫂 Yeah, it does, at least, give the self-blaming a break to hear it said. It’s one of those ethical situations which has layers upon layers of grey areas, feels like trying to find a specific shop in the middle of a foreign city without a map…

And thank you again! Honestly, places like this have helped me immensely in the past, not only for venting, but also when giving my two cents on someone else’s issue when I realise I may have something pertinent to add, the participation in collective support always lifts my spirits!

Thanks! Managed to pull through by the skin of my teeth, luckily life forced a Charisma secondary build on me, so Speech was a dump stat. She wanted to see me suffer, so I gave her more than she could handle - got a passing average by the end, good enough for me!:))

Yep, totally makes sense to have a Pandemic as a source. And, to be perfectly honest, there are plenty of valid reasons nowadays, even if one only pays attention in a passing manner.

Another thing which came to me, might wanna talk to your GP/ a GP about potential thyroid implications. I used to have massive anxiety episodes and every medical doctor who checked me up (from dentist to cardiologist) told me to check my thyroid, as apparently hyperthyroidism may push the body into overdrive and it looks a lot like an anxiety attack. Mine were “just” anxiety attacks, but it still felt better to check that off the list, at least.

It’s not and it doesn’t, mental stability is relative from one person to the other, your issue is and should be treated just as seriously as anyone else’s.

With that out of the way, are you dreaming at all beforehand? Specifically, anything related to loss of control, or deep anxiety, or do you have something major going on in your life? You don’t have to answer here, but those types of things can be enough to cause something like this, I think.

Not currently going through it, but I remember going through something similar during high-school. We got a new Chemistry teacher who really didn’t like my “love the concepts, hate the math” approach and made it clear that she was out to “fix” that (ideally, by holding me back a year). I remember waking up every single day with a brief (2-3 seconds, with the rest being the trail-off) shock of sheer terror and anxiety. I didn’t need to dream about it, I didn’t need to have Chem classes that day, even happened during the weekend. And I remember it stopping at around the time when I gave up trying to understand what I was studying and accepted my fate.

This is why I asked, maybe you have something similar in your life, some sort of overarching worry. And it’s not even necessary to be consciously aware of it, your subconscious has it all covered.

This is the way.

Edit: can we also give’em tiny cyberpunk shades and stuff?

I mean… c’mon, it’s New Vegas! Who wouldn’t!

Back to pen and paper it is! Start feeding the pigeons, everyone!

Sso… like my already existing smartphone. Only larger.

See, that’s just it, I already do that with my standard phone… At this point, they’re all basically phablets, Nexus 6 was right all along (although it still did it better, save for the weird speaker system…). Multi-window splits have also been a thing for a good while now, I honestly don’t see the point for more screen on my pocket device… Heck, I even mainline it as a secondary PC, use it to have YT/movies in the background while doing stuff on the big dude.

Wake me up when the quadfold drops. Heck, quilt me a smartphone/picnic blanket, then we can talk.

Edit: I’m sorry if this comes off as too snarky, I just don’t get the trend… I thought we were heading directly away from large form stuff with this whole smartphone thing. I mean, didn’t we already see this not working with tablets, and how they kinda’ ended up repurposed as quasi-laptops?

If you don’t have access to therapy, reach out to as many like-minded people as possible. A burden shared is a burden halved. I mean it, better to trauma dump on Lemmy than to let it ferment inside you.

Besides that, keep asking yourself what you need, and do it honestly, openly and with grace. I mean in the here-and-now, immediate things which you could do for yourself. There is no wrong answer to this question, anything which gives you something concrete which to grip for a while is good enough, even if it’s binging a comfort show or stewing in a warm bath. Plus asking yourself what you need will bring you closer to yourself over time, which may mitigate things a bit.

And that’s all these are, to be clear, they’re mitigation tactics, but I’ve found that depression is one of those illnesses which need to have both their core cause and the symptoms kept in check at the same time. We do need to push through depression a bit, yes, but I’ve found that just means presenting some opposition to the incoming tide of ennui, not giving ourselves anxiety attacks over unreasonable standards and goals.

And try to join a community when you feel that you can, even if you don’t feel that you have the motivation. I’ve started looking into volunteer work and civic action groups, and even just seeing that there still are people who’re trying to do some rational damage control and to improve things has lifted my spirits a bit. I imagine actually joining in would remunerate tenfold, and the work never hurts, either.

To be clear, I don’t think I’m depressed right now, but I most certainly have been through what you’re describing, and these are the things I now wish I knew to do back then.

I actually got this and now I feel terribly old. Thanks…

WHAT?

“Guy in charge of increasing profits and blaming whatever to justify price hikes is actually right this time…”