Even reading what they wrote, the context and intent were there, but the way it was written doesn’t align with their intent.

In a better timeline

Eric Michael Kelso

His parents really named him after That 70s Show?

Donna Reid Kelso

And then he went out of his way to find a girl named Donna to fulfill his nominative determinism‽

Edit: The man is 44! Unless there was a legal name change at some point, his name predates the show. Wild.

The reverse Monty Burns

Followed by RFKJ with a juxtaposition of TB, polio, measles, smallpox, and food poisoning from raw milk.

I’m no herpetologist, but Florida scarlet snake was the closest I could find.

You’re right. Major fuckup on my part, I guess. I was using Google search’s calculator function. I tried to reverse-engineer my mistake and couldn’t find anything sensible I would have entered to get 541 AU.

He’ll be in power for only the next 23 months if we can get a supermajority of sane, congresspeople with backbones elected in 2026. So yeah, he’ll be in power for 4+ years.

541 astronomical units (541 times the distance from Earth to the Sun)

No. Turns out having to remove from your toilet an uncooperative frog that was just swimming in your pee is not a good time.

Or he’ll just ignore the court entirely.

Florida scarlet snake. Disconcerting to find a danger-colored snake in your house at midnight, even if it’s harmless. Very surprised I found it before the dog or six cats did.

I’ve had a toilet frog sneak-attack my butt while I was sitting on the toilet.

More common in geckos, I think, but yes.

It’s small enough that I can post a comment on something, and my girlfriend will independently run across my comment. Though she doesn’t read the usernames, so she doesn’t know it was me. Then I’ll mention it and she’ll say “oh yeah, I saw that comment.”

“Morally good” as defined by who? Because according to the Bible, God’s a dick. Wouldn’t look to that fairytale to seek morality.

It absolutely does not.

“Why did the school close? Now I have to pay for childcare.”

“Why haven’t they filled this pothole yet?”

“Why haven’t they fixed that traffic light yet?”

“Why did they take away my food stamps?”

“Why did they take away my Medicaid?”

Must be those damn immigrants, transgenders, and Democrats.

Don’t know if this was an article from a regular columnist or a guest contributor, but it seems the editor missed a detail. The US has a $36 trillion debt, not a $36 trillion deficit.

I had “while being an adulterous piece of shit” in my comment draft, but when I went to fact check, all I could find was stuff about his wife maybe or maybe not cheating on him. Those Google results are skewed…