And heartless people have hearts. So?

The voices. The voices in the walls. They make me do things.

Makes me picture America lying comatose in a hospital bed with Canada hooked up to its arm like an IV bag.

The question mark specifically turns it into passive-aggressive political whinging.

Actions. I know too many people who ‘really meant to’ do that awesome thing but somehow never got around to it.

My sister kept chickens for a while. They completely agree that chicken is delicious.

Highlander II

Liking Highlander II is so far out of my worldview that I didn’t realise it was an option. What was it you enjoyed about the film?

Modern medicine. I could live without my daily medication, but it would be life on hard mode.

A weta.

Their scientific name means ‘terrible cricket’ for the same reason dinosaur means ‘terrible lizard’: they’re big. Unlike the ones wikipedia shows you, mine was only palm-sized. They’re basically harmless, so I scooped him up and deposited him outside.

I’ve used it successfully to memorise phone numbers, shopping lists, etc.

What if they rap it?

Look for a Youtube video on the memory palace technique. It’s a method for indexing information in mental images to help recall. It’s simple and makes it much easier to commit things to memory.

At work, yes. They made room for the handicap stall by narrowing the other stall to the point where my shoulders brush the walls. Too f’ing awkward.

I’m not American, so probably not until he escalates his messing with other countries to the bombs and guns stage.

Even when I was still on Reddit, I needed a friend to explain to me that Funko Pops don’t do anything - you just have them.

So really I think it’s just me.

I’d say it’s proper cooking if you’re making decisions about what goes into it. Heating up beans and bread? Not cooking. Heating up beans and bread, adding some thyme and black pepper to the beans in the process? Cooking. Very simple cooking, but cooking all the same.

Birds.

One morning I got up and found an explosion of feathers in the entry. I mentally said goodbye to the owner and decided it must be the smallest cat - because there was no sign of the bird and she eats everything.

Imagine my surprise when I went to put my shoe on and there was something soft and warm under my foot. There was a still-living, apparently unharmed, sparrow hiding in my sneaker. I released it outside and went on my way.

Not the most pleasant experience, but I’m luckier than my mother-in-law who found one of these in her shoe. They bite when they feel threatened - that’s how she found it.

In some English-speaking countries that would be the same as saying “Dr Bullshit”.

That I need a healthier hobby.

I tried a Budweiser once. Once was enough.