Honestly? I’m just continuing to survive for the most part. While not everything you wrote applies to me, a lot does. For me life is approximately a 3/10 - a passing grade for a difficult exam (Analysis 1 & 2, my behated. I got a 43% though 😎).
Plus I’ve got a lot of plausible deniability left since I haven’t actually started seeking help which provides a lot of hope actually. I’d actually prefer keeping it over trying and failing to find help which isn’t really a great incentive for reaching out.
I also realize that there’s not a lot that can be worse than it is right now. Maybe drug addiction? Still, the only real paths I see ahead are further stagnation or improvement. And while the though of remaining alone forever hurts (badly), I’ve got plenty of time left alive and therefore an incomprehensible amount of chances as well.
Finally, as stupid as it sounds, what gets me through my day is a comfortable bed. I genuinely know no pleasure greater than snuggling up under a warm blanket on a cold night. Bonus points if you’ve got plushies to keep you company. Hell, I’m even typing this on my phone while buried under a layer (or two) of plushies an hour after waking up. It does make getting up more of a challenge though.
Tl;dr Plushies and hope. At least the first one is reasonably easy to obtain.
Honestly? I’m just continuing to survive for the most part. While not everything you wrote applies to me, a lot does. For me life is approximately a 3/10 - a passing grade for a difficult exam (Analysis 1 & 2, my behated. I got a 43% though 😎).
Plus I’ve got a lot of plausible deniability left since I haven’t actually started seeking help which provides a lot of hope actually. I’d actually prefer keeping it over trying and failing to find help which isn’t really a great incentive for reaching out.
I also realize that there’s not a lot that can be worse than it is right now. Maybe drug addiction? Still, the only real paths I see ahead are further stagnation or improvement. And while the though of remaining alone forever hurts (badly), I’ve got plenty of time left alive and therefore an incomprehensible amount of chances as well.
Finally, as stupid as it sounds, what gets me through my day is a comfortable bed. I genuinely know no pleasure greater than snuggling up under a warm blanket on a cold night. Bonus points if you’ve got plushies to keep you company. Hell, I’m even typing this on my phone while buried under a layer (or two) of plushies an hour after waking up. It does make getting up more of a challenge though.
Tl;dr Plushies and hope. At least the first one is reasonably easy to obtain.