General advice is to reframe and redirect, you may be “stuck” in a mental mode of refusing to acknowledge possible solutions because you feel broken. That isn’t your fault, your life experiences have pushed you to become what you are.

The general advice is given often because it does work for other people, it may not work for you instantly but given enough time and patience you can slowly start to erode the deep deep neural connections that lead you on your thought death spirals.

The human brain is deeply unfair, it is literally designed for inertia, thoughts you have frequently you will have later. But if you can start to redirect every single time those thoughts come up to something more pleasant over a long time you may be able to make stronger connections on those happier thought paths.

Mushrooms or other psychedelic drugs could possibly be an escape hatch for burned in neural pathways, but the science is shaky and I know a lot of people who got just a little kooky after going to hard.

Long story short, there is no overnight magic pill to fix your thoughts. Just treat your mind like a toddler, your negative thoughts like hot irons, and redirect that toddler to a shiny toy or tv show or something (redirect to a positive pattern)

deleted by creator

mostly by giving myself an imprecise, distant deadline to check out if things don’t get better by then. Right now, that deadline is the death of my mother. After she’s gone I’ll have nobody to mourn me, no ability to keep the lights on, and no one else I’d care to stick around for.

I’d guess I have between 5 and 10 years. Either things get better and I stick around, or they don’t, and it won’t be my problem anymore.

That’s about it. Having a defined “I know this will be over, in time, whether it continues to suck or not” has made it easier to not outright end it now.

Fake it. Smile and wave when people reveal their politics or weird shit (that we all have) that doesn’t vibe with you. Keep it shallow and surface level, like talk about music and movies and shit. Indulge in conversations about this restaurant or that brand of tea or some shit but never show them who you really are. And they won’t even notice that they don’t really know you and it’s all good being an alien. Maybe everyone does this on some level.

And I’m protecting insanely here in case you couldn’t tell (but that’s because I relate) but instead of saying “go to therapy”, I’m gonna say do yourself a favour and spend some time lurking in some mental health related communities / spaces and see if you relate to any of the things that people say there. And how much of it you relate to. And look up “autistic burnout” too.

As I say (just making double clear), I’m giving you this advice based on my own life so far. So maybe your story is different. But I related a lot to a lot of what you said here.

it’s a shitty time to be alive for many of us. some have it much worse than others, and there’s truly no rational explanation why things are this way. I’m sorry for your pain and what you’re going through. you don’t deserve it. no one does. glib life advice from strangers on the internet should not be given lightly or taken too seriously… but, since you asked directly, here goes.

1. find someone who will listen and commiserate, preferably irl. who and where will vary wildly dependending on your circumstances but consider that many people nowadays are longing for someone to connect with (not romantically, just someone who can listen without judgement). if you learn to reciprocate that vibe, you’ll find someone in no time.

2. exercise, move your body around for at least 30 minutes continuously, every damn day. doesn’t matter what, just MOVE. walk around your neighborhood, back and forth to the store, or even around the campus/work parking lot at lunch. bonus points if you can convince someone else to walk with you.

3. disable all notifications on your phone, except critical contacts like close family or friends, (or work if you have serious responsibilities - gotta pay those bills).you need to reclaim your time as your own. agency is a big part of self dignity, and having a machine dictate your time is dehumanizing.

4. hang out around other people in a public space, preferably where nature can be enjoyed or where laughter can be heard. just watch and listen to the world. a park bench, a library, a dive bar (not a sports bar with TVs or tourists, but regulars). participating in the rhythm of social and natural spaces can be a kind of mindfulness and gets the juices flowing so to speak.

more ideas come to mind but this might be a start. good luck stranger. ps, check out “tragic optimism”. has helped me a lot over the years. take care.

Escapism.

Honestly? I’m just continuing to survive for the most part. While not everything you wrote applies to me, a lot does. For me life is approximately a 3/10 - a passing grade for a difficult exam (Analysis 1 & 2, my behated. I got a 43% though 😎).

Plus I’ve got a lot of plausible deniability left since I haven’t actually started seeking help which provides a lot of hope actually. I’d actually prefer keeping it over trying and failing to find help which isn’t really a great incentive for reaching out.

I also realize that there’s not a lot that can be worse than it is right now. Maybe drug addiction? Still, the only real paths I see ahead are further stagnation or improvement. And while the though of remaining alone forever hurts (badly), I’ve got plenty of time left alive and therefore an incomprehensible amount of chances as well.

Finally, as stupid as it sounds, what gets me through my day is a comfortable bed. I genuinely know no pleasure greater than snuggling up under a warm blanket on a cold night. Bonus points if you’ve got plushies to keep you company. Hell, I’m even typing this on my phone while buried under a layer (or two) of plushies an hour after waking up. It does make getting up more of a challenge though.

Tl;dr Plushies and hope. At least the first one is reasonably easy to obtain.

I can’t help but wonder if you are that one person under a new username. The one who just shoots down any attempt to answer their questions or provide support. Apologies if you aren’t them. But, read. Existentialism. Or read Viktor Frankl. Or Buddhism. Or non-dualism. Find your context for the life experience.

Learn that you are creating this inner state. That’s the bad radical news. I’d have more practical, concrete steps to offer. But, again, not convinced that you are actually open to change.